veggie burger

What’s for eating? (The grammatical error is intentional, for reasons obvious) Someone asked. ‘Vegetable burger’ came the prompt reply. Now I’m sure there are a lot of us who have heard this kind of nonsense before but actually, what the fuck is a ‘veggie burger’ (so lovingly called)? A burger by definition is ‘A sandwich consisting of a fried cake of minced beef served on a bun, often with other ingredients’. (Right now there’s an insanely religious vegetarian questioning the contents of this blog. She has been shooed away)

Right, getting back. Now where the fuck does the ‘veggie’ bit come in? The ketchup? The onions? The lettuce? Take the meat out of the burger and what you’re left with is a veggie ‘sandwich’. Not a fucking burger. Putting a potato patty (whatever that is) in-between two parts of a bun and calling it a burger is ridiculous.

As if this wasn’t enough, some of the bastards don’t even tell you it’s a ‘veggie burger’ until that god awful moment of discovery. When the teeth slowly cut through the fried crust and the tongue lays in wait… for a big juicy bite of some beef. But fuck no! What you land up with is a mouthful of crap that even my dog wouldn’t eat!

I’ll say this politely. No one’s asking you vegetarians to be vegetarians. It’s a choice. And as with any choice, there are shortcomings. In this case it’s the lack of having anything good to eat. So please, don’t kid yourself. It’s not a burger. At most, it’s a sandwich. Leave the burger eating to the meat eaters. You guys go suck on a carrot.