Papered
Rizla, Zig Zag, Smoking, they’re all different brands of rolling paper. And to discourage any false notions about their function, ‘cigarette rolling paper’ is clearly mentioned on the cover, just below the name. A few brands go on to give you the base of the paper, its cut etc. but the fact remains, its function is mentioned, straight up, right on the front of the pack. You hardly find this kind of commitment these days. When was the last time you bought a pack of cornflakes and read ‘to be eaten’ on the front of the pack?
Right, getting along, now since its function is mentioned straight up there’s no need for any confusion right? Wrong, you’d be amazed by the number of bizarre things people have thought up as functions for rolling paper. I shall illustrate a list below.
Chewing gum disposal paper: “It’s like so handy ya. Every time I like want to get rid of my gum I like just pull out a leaf of paper and wrap it in that. It’s like so cute ya. I’m just trying to like keep the city clean ya. I’m so cool.”
Miniature tracing paper: “A friend explained this functional aspect of rolling paper to his mother when she stumbled upon it in his room. She bought it”
Post its!: Just write, lick and stick. Completely hassle free. But wait, what are the ‘Post-its’ for then???
The handy cigarette fixers: So you were a little too enthusiastic about lighting one up and you’ve gone and got a tear in it. Have no fear the handy cigarette fixer is here! Rather convenient don’t you think? And to have them mass produced and branded like this must mean that a lot of people are as spastic with their cigarettes as well. God damn, someone understands me.
And this last one I just love.
“Hey, you know they now have special tissues for boogers?”
So here’s a little note to all you non-smokers and all you claimed-smokers out there. Rolling paper is for rolling, hence the name. They are not ‘thingys’ or ‘tissues’ or ‘fix-me-ups’. They are ‘papers’ plain and simple and king-size and slim and corner-cut and rice and flavoured. You guys stick to your campaigning and prophesizing. Leave the smoking to us.
Right, getting along, now since its function is mentioned straight up there’s no need for any confusion right? Wrong, you’d be amazed by the number of bizarre things people have thought up as functions for rolling paper. I shall illustrate a list below.
Chewing gum disposal paper: “It’s like so handy ya. Every time I like want to get rid of my gum I like just pull out a leaf of paper and wrap it in that. It’s like so cute ya. I’m just trying to like keep the city clean ya. I’m so cool.”
Miniature tracing paper: “A friend explained this functional aspect of rolling paper to his mother when she stumbled upon it in his room. She bought it”
Post its!: Just write, lick and stick. Completely hassle free. But wait, what are the ‘Post-its’ for then???
The handy cigarette fixers: So you were a little too enthusiastic about lighting one up and you’ve gone and got a tear in it. Have no fear the handy cigarette fixer is here! Rather convenient don’t you think? And to have them mass produced and branded like this must mean that a lot of people are as spastic with their cigarettes as well. God damn, someone understands me.
And this last one I just love.
“Hey, you know they now have special tissues for boogers?”
So here’s a little note to all you non-smokers and all you claimed-smokers out there. Rolling paper is for rolling, hence the name. They are not ‘thingys’ or ‘tissues’ or ‘fix-me-ups’. They are ‘papers’ plain and simple and king-size and slim and corner-cut and rice and flavoured. You guys stick to your campaigning and prophesizing. Leave the smoking to us.
posted by Nishant at 2:25 am
2 Comments:
back in school, tarika used to buy them, just to chuck gum in.
lol, the tracing paper- was it nikhil's mom?
aj. no it wasn't nikil's mom. some dude at work. heh heh.
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